That's how I would describe our weather. I awoke this morning to a light (and I mean light) dusting of wet spring snow. We need a whopper of a snowstorm. We're like 25 inches behind in precipitation this winter. It has been DRY and cold. But I digress. Yesterday was spring-like, albeit windy - I guess that is springlike. So to waken today to low hanging fog and a drippy morning seems unsettled. Maybe that's why I felt so at home in today's weather. It's the way I've been feeling for weeks now. Unsettled.
I had a REALLY good run yesterday. By myself. With my tunes - I NEVER run with tunes - but yesterday I did. 12 miles at Greenland Open Space. I love it up there. The only thing that would have made it even better would have been Syd's company - but she's not a 12 miles-in-one-run-dog anymore. Though she did a good 18 - 20 over the course of the week. I guess I needed some me time and some me time without getting stuck in my head. Tunes were good for that. Unsettled, then, but deferred by motivating music, rolling hills and brisk sunshine.
Unsettled. Waiting. In limbo. Just decide folks. I want to start planning my summer. Or what little of it I will have after two 8-week school sessions. School. That is unsettled too. I am unmotivated. Behind in my reading. Haven't started my 5-10 page paper - not due for a while, but really I need to at least reflect on the content of this paper. It's about me; my life; the patterns in my life; the patterns I've learned from my family. It might reveal something helpful. Maybe I'm placing too much weight on what it might or might not reveal. Or maybe I'm afraid I won't be able to see anything.
I cannot seem to find peace in anything I do. Unsettled. Searching. Maybe I am thinking too much rather than connecting with my heart. Not sure I remember how to do that these days. I want to spend a Saturday reading a book. I want my house to become clean; my bi-fold doors to rehang themselves; you get the picture. Unsettled. Unmotivated. Keeping my head above water.
So yesterday's run, and today's run with Amber up to the Palmer Park Lookout where we couldn't see a darn thing, were just what I needed to bring a tad bit of calm. The run today, and yesterday, was on my beloved trails. Today's run with Amber was on trails I rarely run and I loved the feel of the low hanging fog and the light snow on the trees and Syd's brilliance in finding our way on trails she doesn't now. I wish I could be like Syd - so certain of where she is going, what she loves and what she wants. The weather felt a big like a shroud - forcing me to look within rather than searching and searching for the elusive and unknown.
