In the wise words of Thoreau

“I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there. Perhaps it seemed to me I had several more lives to live and no more time for that one.” Walden

Toe side, heel side, Ouch!

I think my left knee might actually show a bruise. And my bum is sore. And my hip flexors and my biceps and triceps and my abs. And, well, my whole body...almost. No fall so hard that I got a whip lash effect so my neck is just fine! There is something liberating about learning something new. And I'm not usually one to say such things being stubborn and all when it comes to new. I don't always like the learning phase, rather I prefer to go from novice to capable. Not novice to expert, just capable. But there is still an awful lot in between novice and capable.

I achieved something new to me on this trip to Monarch. I went into the trip expecting to spend a lot of time sitting in the snow and I expected to laugh at myself a lot. I did both. A lot! :-) In other words, I was okay with new and learning.

The drive to Monarch was gorgeous. I am wishing now that we had stopped somewhere along the Arkansas River to take photographs of the ice - bergs and sheets in amazing shapes and patterns. The water looked very cold. But it really was stunning.

We arrived at Monarch Mountain amid glorious sunshine. We were too early for a half day ticket, but just in time for me to sign up for a half day lesson and ticket. After which we munched on some cheese and clementines before deciding to hoof it up the bunny hill before my lesson and strap on the board. I was a little giddy - childlike really. Somehow snowboarding was really different - more so than my ice climbing - and quite reminiscent of the surfing adventure in May!

I was sure I'd be the oldest in the lesson. Not so. Me and a forty-something guy from the Springs and 3 teenagers joined Matt for a two-hour lesson. Classic snowboarder, out instructor appeared, but he was also a good teacher.

We sat on the bunny slope and talked about toe side and heel side of the board and then we just dove in - literally. Strap on the board, stand up and see what happens. Thank goodness Jane and I had spent that 45 minutes prior to my lesson playing around.

I never did master the lift. I managed one time - the first time post-lesson with Jane - to get off the lift without falling. And my last run on day 2 I made it all the way down the ramp, but then didn't really know how to stop, so I sat down. After all, what's one more landing on the bum - it was already sore! So lift mastery will come another day.

Within a run or two I had mastered a flowing leaf set of back side/heel side turns down the bunny hill. So what comes next, I ask Matt. You try a toe side/front side turn. Turns out, I'm not very good at these. At all.

Snowboarding is all about balance. Shifting your weight forward (toes) or backward (heels) and keeping your board pointed downhill, not sideways. And it's also about being "tough." gotta have a stance like in football (which I have never played) that won't get you knocked over: knees bent and pinched together, body straight. One might have thought I'd learn hard (literally) lessons quickly. Like if you try to stand up straight (knees not bent) on your board - WHAM down you go butt plant in the snow. Or in attempting a toe side turn shift your weight in your toes NOT your whole body. Otherwise, WHAM, it's a face plant - or nearly so but those trusty hands generally catch you before you eat snow.

So day 1 ended with two more runs up the bunny slope with Jane and then a trek down the mountain to the Monarch Lodge for the night. Quaint, clean and perfectly located we were both hungry and chilled. Food first then we sought out the hot tub - not so hot apparently and outside. Brr. We opted for the sauna which was perfect. Warmed us to the core and then upstairs we went.

We awoke to what appeared to be clear skies, but in fact it was gray. And then it turn to snow - must have dropped 4-5 inches while we were on the mountain. Jane is a saint. She took a million pictures and gave me as many pointers. And took only one run up high where she'd been the day before making her own tracks in untouched snow and without masses of people. Thank goodness for good friends! We did many runs and I fell an awful lot. But I laughed an awful lot too. There were definitely moments of frustration and as the day moved along it got colder and windier and so I got colder and colder - that's what happens when you spend so much time in the snow! We finally decided to take a break - warm up. Was a good idea on some fronts; not on others. It was hard to go back out but the rest was good. We did a run together, Jane and I, and I actually did some complete circles - toe side to heel side to toe side to heel side. Maybe, just maybe I was getting the hang of it. So while it was hard to go back outside after warming up, the rest adjusted the mental attitude and gave me two solid final runs of the day. One with Jane and the second on my own as she headed up high for some fresh tracks.

I'll get this, I'm sure of it. I'm eager to go again when I'm not tired and sore and can get a bit out of my head and just ride. Long on the list of things to do over winter break, it is also #4 on the list of 40 Firsts!

Christmas on Ice!

Thanks to Alyssa, Tad, Bill, Pete and many other kind folks I spent Christmas morning ice climbing. Why? Why not! When I mentioned some months back that I wasn't planning to travel for my winter break, Alyssa suggested I join she and Tad and some of their friends ice climbing on Christmas morning.

I bundled up with about four layers of clothing on bottom and top, nervous about being warm enough. Nervous enough that even with nearly everything laid out I didn't remember to bring my down jacket along for when I was done and possibly shivering. And I didn't remember my climbing harness either. Idiot. Thankful, on so many levels, to Alyssa who saved me. She loaned me boots (which I love), crampons, harness and Shannon loaned me her helmet.

I had a moment this morning when I thought I might bail, just take Syd up the canyon for a hike/run. Alyssa and Tad were running late after going to Midnight Mass and I laid down on the bed to read and wait. And it was then that I started to have second thoughts. But I pushed them aside, as I didn't want to give into fear. I was going to be with expert climbers and some of the safest people in El Paso County.

Turns out I had a blast. Stomping around in my crampons like a petulant child. Preferring to sink into my knees rather than stand up. Better center of gravity for sure. Makes it easy to see why that's the correct technique! Both Tad and Alyssa gave me tips as we walked from the cars down to the base of Silver Cascade - a trail in Cheyenne Canon I have not been on previously. And once we were at the cascade, I was turned over to Bill under whose expert watch I traversed a short distance low to the ground, learning to find pockets in the ice for my crampons or my tools and remembering the most important rule - ALWAYS make sure you have 3 points of contact on the ice. Two feet and one ice pick; two ice picks and one foot.

Before I knew it I was roped in and Bill was on belay. Ready, I asked nervously? Ready. Climb on. Okay. Here goes. My calves were burning at points like they've never burned before. And at times my knees were shaking - something in yoga I've heard called the tremor of truth. Bill reminded me that more important than the tremors was that my heels be down. Okay. Stay focused, Jessica. I haven't a clue how long it took me. There were times when I looked at the wall and thought there is no place to find a good pocket for my ice pick or there is definitely no place for me to put my feet. And then a deep breath and another look and sure enough there was an option. Then Bill said, "Okay, Jessica. Stand up now." Really? But that was the only way back down - to repel - which meant standing up, feet perpendicular to the wall. That might have been the scariest moment of the day - standing up that first time to repel back down.

On the ground my heart beat fast. Really fast. And my legs were a bit jello-like. But I'd done it. I'd climbed a cascade of ice. Nice! Pete offered hot cocoa which after two offers I took - grateful for the warmth inside me. I was shaking - more from adrenaline than from cold. A simple feeling of euphoria spread over me. These great people who didn't really know me were more than happy to help me on my first ice climb.

I waited a bit and then Tad belayed me again - this time up a softer piece of the ice with water running underneath. Stickier he said. In some ways much easier than the crisp, almost brittle ice that I'd climbed first (deeper in the shade). And yet in other ways a little spookier since it almost seems alive.

Alyssa and I headed for the car while other climbed a bit more. We hiked up above Helen Hunt Falls - another place I hadn't ever gone for all the hundreds of times I've been in the canon. Breakfast is normally up top, but the wind was a bit pesky today, so we were inside the souvenir shop that is open in the summer. Ron's wife Rita made the fluffiest, most awesome pancakes and Ron, some killer eggs. A day spent with good, kind and patient people.

I am reminded again how much I love the peace of the woods. I love to run and I love to run trail. But I think I have run to the exclusion of hiking and being out in the mountains. Maybe I ought to rejoin the Mountain Club. Or maybe I just ought to get out and hike a few more mountains. Good thing Marigny wants to climb a few 14er's this summer. I'll gladly keep her company. It is peaceful and so beautiful to be among the whispering pines and the ice covered water.

And so today marks the beginning of the list of 40 firsts. Last week I had my first taste of scotch and today I climbed Silver Cascade. Two done, 38 more great things to come!

Finding light on this shortest day of the year

These last few weeks have been pretty dark. I am grateful for the forgiving hearts of friends and the sore ears of my parents, for I wouldn't have made it through without any of you.

I love the solstice - both winter and summer. This time of year I am grateful for the fact that ever so slowly the days will be filled with more and more light.

I love the simplicity of the solstice. On Sunday, post running in the garden, we girls had brunch at the new Creperie in Manitou. Yum. Wondering what this has to do with the solstice? Jillian took a beautiful photo of Dani pouring cream into her coffee which made us all stop and think about how many simply beautiful moments there are each day that we overlook because we are too rushed, too busy and not really paying attention. I am reminded of the value in finding small things for which we are grateful each day. Not that it took the solstice for me to get there, but there is such beauty in thinking about the significance and simplicity of the solstice.

So I am grateful for ever more light and for friends and family and for the simple things that make me smile and bring beauty to my day.

Happy Winter Solstice!

Before I have to toast the next 40 years...40 Firsts

As I was slogging through a run on a snowy evening through my most favorite place, Garden of the Gods, I got to thinking about what I wanted to do before my next birthday. In running the question is always, do you age up this year? It's a polite way of asking if it's a notable birthday. I age up next year and it's a year in which I don't plan to run a marathon. Which is probably good because that exercise induced asthma that made an appearance this summer came back with a vengeance last night. It was, after all, 18 degrees and snowy under that full moon. I think it's time to see another allergist for a second opinion because the thought of treadmill running makes me want to cry - there is nothing more boring and I certainly can't take Sydney!

So back to the musings of my mind while my lungs and therefore body struggled. Somehow I came up with what I believe to be a pretty brilliant idea.

Forty firsts in the coming year.

Meaning 4o things that I haven't done - a way to celebrate my life. So I told my friends over margaritas and beers and they offered to help me make a list. Now I hadn't really planned on making a complete list as I want some of this to happen organically as the opportunities arise, but why not start with some ideas. You can imagine the conversation - it started reasonably normally, but quickly dipped into lots of laughter.

The list looks something like this:

1. Ice Climbing

2. Snowboarding

3. Ice Fishing

4. Fly Fishing

5. Go to Mexico

6. Mud bath/wrap at the spa

7. Ask a stranger on a date

8. Hmmm....maybe not

9. Cooking class

10. No marathon in 2010

11. Visit Glacier National Park

12. Karaoke - good thing I've done this before so I don't have to. HATE it!

13. Compost

14. Grow a potted herb garden

15. Play hockey

16. Ride in a Hot Air Balloon

17 - 40... Open to suggestion and discovery

Thankful that I decided to tempt fate...

I almost didn't go. But I decided to tempt fate. And so far, it appears that I have won! My brother called on Monday with the devastating news that H1N1 had made an appearance in their house. After much deliberation I decided to take the risk. So glad I did.

I needed to get out of town. Even though leaving my Sydney always makes me sad. But if you could see the circles she runs around me when I get home, you'd want to leave town occasionally too. She is simply ecstatic upon my return.

There is little better in this life than talking on the phone to the urchins (name given by their Mama and Papa) unless of course you can spend time with them in person. Even when they are a bit under the weather they are magnificent.

Whose heart wouldn't melt at the sound of "Aunt Jess, I really, really love you!" Out of the blue, for no reason at all!

At every meal they nearly came to blows about who got to sit next to Aunt Jess. My sister-in-law apologized once for always dictating where I needed to sit - she was keeping the peace by keeping track - I had no problem being told where to sit. :-)

I brought along some things to do - turned out especially good since we were in the house because of health and rain. Coloring books that made mosaics - both of them did an excellent job. But the highlight were the shrinky dinks. We three huddled around the oven watching with bated breath. The curled up so much we couldn't believe they'd flatten out. So we called my brother - what do you think? He shrugged his shoulders. We decided to have faith. Sure enough they began to flatten out. The oohs and aah's emitted were outstanding.

We read lots of books. I now have something to ask Katie about on the phone - I want to know how the Boxcar Mystery of the Houseboat ends. And Tristan likes to 'read' his favorite books to me, too. We made it to the park before dinner on Thanksgiving day. A short trip, but oh so fun - Nana, Opa, Aunt Jess, Katie and Tristan. And post-Thanksgiving we went to the Deep Cut site on Manassas Battlefield for a walk in the woods.

It was so very much what I needed. Time with my family; time away; and time with my favorite little urchins. Although maybe not quite so much food :-)

Finding Genius

One of my dear friends organized a showing of the film Beauty Mark last weekend. It's a thought provoking film on so many levels - women and exercise, women and food, endurance athletes, both men and women, and their addiction to exercise. It comes at an interesting time for me - a time when my goal for next year is to NOT run a marathon.

I've run 7 marathons. The first one was in 2001. The next six were between 2006 and 2009. A bit much, maybe. Not that I would go back and trade a single one of those experiences.

• 2006 was my first sub 4-hour marathon in Des Moines.
• And then 2007 saw my unbelievable Boston Marathon Qualifying run in Duluth and a birthday celebrated by running the California International Marathon.
• 2008 marks the beginning of my blog - the result of running the Boston Marathon and witnessing the Women's Olympic Trials and my first attempt at the Pikes Peak Marathon which I loved enough to repeat this past summer of 2009.

It's time to run for the pure pleasure of running; it's time to spend my summer (or my upcoming winter) without training "hanging over me," and it's time to run more and more trails. That's where I am most at peace - where I don't think about how fast I'm going (or not going these days) and where I appreciate just being out, being alive and being surrounded by so much beauty.

So what does this have to do with Beauty Mark and finding genius? One of the things that the filmmaker asked the women (one guy) in the audience was, "What is your genius?" By that I believe she meant what is your passion, what do you love to do, maybe even what defines you? Once not so long ago I might have said running - if you ask a lot of people who know me that might still be what they say about me. But I was left wondering what my genius was....I had no idea really and I was so grateful that she did not ask me. And that left me feeling lost. It's not really good for the self esteem to feel like you have no purpose, but that's how I felt. The feeling was accentuated by similar questions about my work and my volunteer commitments, so maybe the timing wasn't ideal for me.

I was fortunate enough to spend some time with someone very wise and someone who can always guide me back to center and grounding, very soon after this film. And she said to me, isn't your "genius" being true to yourself? Living an authentic life? Allowing yourself to be whole and rewarding yourself for all the hard work you've done to be true to yourself? I am notoriously hard on myself and too often take on the burden of others - burdens that are not mine to carry - so more often that not I don't see what I've done to be good and true to myself.

So I am practicing the following things:

• Celebrating healthy choices
• Celebrating a run because it makes Sydney happy and not worrying about how fast or how far we are going
• Running on trails where my soul is fed and I remember and experience why I love running
• Doing only those things in my life that feed me in some way
• Spending time with good friends
• Taking risks but not expecting myself to take huge leaps of faith
• Being good to myself
• Being content to make my own choices even in the midst of difference.

November is quite possibly a good time to be thinking about this - a time when we naturally reflect on that for which we are Thankful. I know that I have a lot to be Thankful for - and taking care of myself in the ways that are good for me is among the most important of those Thanksgivings