The spirit of the season, oh, and aging up

Sometime in the last few weeks I let go of the anxiety and decided to embrace turning 40.  It's just a number, after all.  I don't feel 40 and according to everyone I know, I don't look 40.  And everyone says 40 is the new 20.  I like that.  Not that I want to go back to 20, but I like the spirit of the sentiment.

I've celebrated well and the celebrating isn't quite done.  On my last business trip of the season, I had a few extra hours before a red eye so I treated myself to a luxurious afternoon at the Grand Wailea Spa soaking in the Terme pools and then getting a lovely massage.  Thanksgiving was spent with my Colorado Springs Family - the Waldon's!  And Christmas Eve, too!  Love them bunches.

December has been a whirlwind.  I knew it would be and I did as much as I could ahead of time, but I still felt like the Perfect Storm hit the weekend of December 11:  all files must be read and the toughest of my exams to be taken on Monday, December 13.  By exam time I was exhausted and uncertain about my knowledge.  In the end I did just fine with a lot of help from my friends.  Hugs given liberally, a dog walker in Jill made Syd and I so grateful.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.

My actual birthday was celebrated reading files, for the most part.  But the day was filled with phone calls, a cookie bouquet, and dinner with the Waldon's.  I could not have asked for a more perfect day.  That was followed by a gift from my Sunday Sista's - a little par-tay at the Roman Villa!  Words cannot describe the love and generosity of my friends.  I am so blessed to have these women in my life.  And to have so many wonderful friends - all together in one place to help me celebrate.  Pizza, salad and carrot cake cupcakes!  Yum.  The banner photo is of my Sunday Sistas - thank you!

In January, I will complete the celebration with a trip to Mt. Princeton Hot Springs with a few close friends and finally, a trip to Phoenix with Shawnna and KayKay - I cannot wait!

They say 40 is the new 20, or 5 1/2 in dog years.  I'll take 'em all!

A Saturday at home

Today is November 6.  It was 75 degrees today.  What?  Crazy.  It is warmer outside than it is inside my house.

Sydney stood at the front screen door today, looking out onto the lawn at the fox, sitting on our lawn, not 15 feet from our door, looking back at Syd.  For a minute I thought about letting Syd out, but then she bolted for the open back door.  But only after staring at each other long enough for me to get my phone and almost long enough for me to take a picture of that little fox.  She and her siblings torment Syd.  We've seen three of them at once across the street.  We've also seen one sitting in nearly the same spot in the middle of the night, only to find a fox "butt" print in the snow in the morning.  And we've seen one catch a squirrel.

It's hard to complain about 75 in November.  But it makes me worry about our planet earth.  It shouldn't be 75 in November.  We should have snow; the heat should be on.  Something just isn't right.

I have just one more trip this travel season.  I'm wishing it were over.  But it was nice to be home on this Saturday.  For a run with Syd and breakfast with a friend.  A few errands and non-existent motivation (okay, maybe not so good) and an impromptu, soul-filling margarita with my dearest of friends.

Time to roast some squash for soup - in preparation for the fall weather that is bound to come soon.

Time for me

Today I took some time for me.  I'm not really sure I have that time to give myself, but heck, sometimes you've gotta make time.  Syd and I headed up to the Lost Creek Wilderness, only 90 minutes from home.  The drive up was just beautiful - there are still trees full of color down low and as we climbed into the hills, the grasses still had much color too.  And the moon.  It must have been full.  I wish I had stopped to take a picture of it's silhouette.  I thought about it more than once, but I had an awfully impatient dog in the car so I didn't stop.   

We had the trail to ourselves - saw only one other person and his dog.  And it was lovely.  Syd sniffed vigorously -there must have been an assortment of animals in the low meadows because she had her nose glued to the ground. I didn't realize how much we climbed til I got home - boy are my glutes sore.  8760 to 11,180 over about 4 miles.  

The light was pretty flat - some clouds kept it that way, but I noticed lots of textures and patterns down low.  And caught a few decent panoramas and one decent portrait :)

I can't believe after all these years I haven't spent more time in the Lost Creek Wilderness.  It's stunning and so close to home.  I look forward to returning with some human friends to summit Bison Peak.

And while I'd rather finish out the day on the couch, I need to clean, pack and do some school work.  But it was worth cramming into the late afternoon and evening to get away from the concrete and enjoy the peace and solitude of the wilderness!

Denver Rock N' Roll Half with TNT

I well surpassed my minimum fundraising requirement and even my own goal.  The incredible generosity of the people in my life means so much because it will make a difference in the lives of those fighting blood cancers.

I have loved my experience with Team in Training.  It's been fun to train with a group and it's been especially fun to train with a number of folks attempting their first distance races.

I raced in honor of my cousin Pat Wittenberg and my friend Kay Kay's Dad, John Webster.

Training has been hard with work travel and school so I toed the line with a whole different mindset than I have previously.  It's not about how fast I run, in fact it's not about me at all.  It's about raising awareness for LLS and raising funds to make a difference in so many lives.

So the expo was like any expo.  Lots of giveaways and lots of things to buy.  I walked out with only giveaways.  Phew.  

The inspiration lunch really was incredible.  Some guy named John from Competitor sports - the organization that puts on Rock N' Roll events - gave last minute tips.  He was hilarious.  And he knew it.  But that was okay.  His point was made.  He'd previously done something like 15 TNT events and so when he came to Competitor he was instrumental in getting them to team up with LLS and he's instituted something called "the bump" - a brilliant concept really.  Instead of sweeping folks off the course that appear unlikely to meet the cut off, they give them a bit of a four wheel bump, maybe a mile, maybe two.  Then they are back on their feet.  Some purists might say this is cheating, but I think it's a brilliant way to support first timers so that they'll hit the road again for another race.

After John spoke, Dave Eckberg, an LLS Team Hero spoke.  Dave has CLL - a type of Leukemia.  He was diagnosed in 2002.  He's been in remission twice.  He isn't today.  And yet he still completed the half marathon on Sunday in just under 4 hours.  He has remarkable courage and an indefatigable spirit.  Just 6 months of his treatment costs about $200,000.  Our Rocky Mountain team raised $254,000.  $254K seems like a lot of money, until you put it in that perspective.  LLS really is an amazing organization.

Post lunch I headed to the hotel to study a bit.  Eventually, Tabbie, Denice and her husband Phil and I headed our for dinner.  And then it was back to the hotel to put everything together.  This was Tabbie's first ever half marathon.  She was nervous and so we chatted and chatted.  And then Leti came up; Sunday would be her first marathon and only her second race ever!  We helped Leti get her stuff organized.  It was 10:30 before Tabbie and I turned out the lights.  I don't usually stay up that late before a race.  But this race wasn't about me.  It felt good to be needed - to be able to help Leti and Tabbie get ready for their races. After about 2:30 I woke up nearly every 45 minutes.  Classic pre-race sleep - fear of missing the alarm.  4:45 comes especially early when you go to bed late.  But adrenaline propelled me out of bed.

We met our group in the lobby at 5:50 am.  The pictures capture us just as we headed to the start line.   Pre-race time was a whirlwind.  Plenty of porta-potties, but not a well placed or easy to find bag drop.  Ugh.  Unnecessary stress.  Ah well.  I squeaked into Corral 5 (yes there were 11,000 half marathoners and 4000 marathoners so we lined up like cows) as the crowd surged forward.  Nick of time.  It took about 4 minutes to cross the start line.  Beautiful Day by U2 was playing as I crossed.  A good omen I thought.  I ALWAYS play that song pre-race - this morning included.

And my race was fine.  It wasn't until about mile 6 that I realized why all these people were calling my name out.  DUH.  It was on the front of my singlet.  Too little sleep?  Maybe.  Either way, TNT jerseys draw voice to them.  Anyone who has ever participated will holler out "Go Team" or something like that.  It means for a lot of little adrenaline rushes.  Might make one think you'd run the race of your life.  And I think Tabbie and Leti did.  I didn't. But that's okay, because this wasn't about me.  Mile 9.5  was where Denice was hanging out - she couldn't run because of a nasty spill about three weeks ago which left her ankle still swollen and her knee unhappy.  She cam anyway and she helped at an aid station and she cheered us on.  What a great spirit!  Mile 7 was hard, so were 8, 9 and 10.  Somewhere in their my right IT insertion at the knee started to give me fits.  Real pain.  Aw heck.  I was really hoping to finish under two hours.  It wouldn't happen.

2:00:06.  Ah well.  I had to fight back tears of disappointment, but only for a minute or two.  Because then I thought about Dave, the team hero.  About Pat and KayKay's dad.  And Tabbie and Leti.  And I remembered that the reason I did this was to run with purpose, not just for a time and definitely not just for me.

Exiting the finish chutes I found Mindi.  Her big toe had blistered so badly that it bled through.  Slowed her down considerably.  But he boyfriend finished his first ever half.  Cool.  And then we waited.  And then came Tabbie.  Tears streaming down her face.  She'd done it.  Run her first half marathon in about 3:20.  Her 5 year old son was out on the course with her friends who were outstanding spectators - they saw her FOUR times on the course.  Awesome.  

And Lauren finished.  And so did our marathoners - though I couldn't stay to see them because I had a midterm on Monday night for which I needed to study.  Leti came in around 5:38.  First ever marathon.  She loved it.  Her email today asked if I wanted to run one with her next year.  It took me 6 years to consider running a second marathon.  It took Leti less than a day!  And Will and his buddies from Michigan finished in about 4:30.  And our San Francisco team finished too. 

It was a beautiful fall day.  It was an incredibly inspiring and uplifting day.  

Long last day of September

Today started at 4 am in CO. I arrived at my hotel in Berkeley at 7:30 pm.

I experienced classic SF weather today. Sun, fog, fog so thick I couldn't see the top of the golden gate, sun at the other end of the golden gate, fog rolling so fast over the hills and heat and sun down in Marin.

Good visits and good interviews.

An early arrival into SFO and time for a Peet's pumpkin spice latte.

It's time to collapse and start over again tomorrow without the 4 am wake up call.

Today was one of those days

When it's hard to find much of anything to be grateful for and yet there are some standout things and for those I am ESPECIALLY grateful.

• Starting the day with a run with Sydney.  It was crisp, but not cold.
• A lunchtime discussion with colleagues that I know and respect and rarely see.
• A conversation with a peer in class tonight that made me realize that I am not alone in my thoughts about this particular class.  And it also reaffirmed for me that it's okay that I have a specific focus and I should stick to that.

Today felt like Monday

But it wasn't.  That was yesterday.  Must be because today was my first day back in the office.  Travel is harder and harder for me.  I can't keep my days straight and I don't sleep very well in hotels anymore.  And I don't seem to have time to exercise.

So today:

• I was grateful to get in a run, even if it was ugly and I botched the intervals.  It was still 6 quality miles more than I did between Friday and Monday.
• That the Bethesda Marriott found my left-behind power cord and they are mailing it to me.  This is the second time this fall I've left something in a hotel - I never do that.  
• A cup of coffee and conversation with Mike who is headed to East Africa tomorrow for a little personal reflection and soul searching.  I wouldn't have been as brave as he, even at his age, but I admire his choice and hope that he finds peace and wisdom.

• Today I am most grateful to be home.
• And for my Sydney.  Nothing feels better than coming home from a trip to the I-can't-sit-still-or-stay-in-one-place-welcome she gives me.
• That I think Sydney has another dog sitter who she'll call her favorite.  And I think the feeling was mutual.
• A good class tonight.

It's a good day of interviews when the first one is the best and the last of 8 is good. Makes what could be a long day feel less so.

Nearly all the kids were early today which meant I made it back ti the urchins house for dinner AND bedtime stories. I thought I'd be lucky to make it back for stories.

Finally, today I am grateful that this trip only included one night of hotel stay.

Being woken up at 6:20 by one little urchin who wanted to show me the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and then snuggled for an hour.

Reading books on the back deck in our pj's, me and the urchins.

A really great alumni volunteer and a few more interesting students.

Playing on the iPad with Tristan

Reading stories snuggled in between tristan and Katie.

So today I'm grateful my job sends me out east for some unconditional urchin loving and the chance to meet some cool kids too.

Sitting in between Katie and Tristan at dinner.

Hearing. "Aunt Jess, I really love you." from Tristan in person.

Reading with Katie-bug before bed.

Oh and that nonstop flight from COS to IAD is pretty sweet.

• My plan was to drop a card off for Maddy at CRC since I wouldn't see her, nor would I be in town for the Bon Voyage party as she sets off on a grand adventure.  As I was driving to the store at the end of my lunch break who should be in the parking lot but Maddy herself.  So I'm grateful that the universe knew I wanted to give her a hug and a card to wish her well on her European adventure.
• Rain
• Sydney's unconditional love.

• The CC student who frequently walks past my open window playing his ukelele.  It ALWAYS makes me smile.
• The fact that the group of really fast runners I run with aren't really training for anything right now so they took it easy, which meant they were close enough to me to push me to run harder today.
• A beautiful morning sunrise.
• Happy Birthday, dad!

Today I am grateful that the day is finally over.  It started at 5 am so that both Sydney and I could get some exercise.  It ends at 10 pm after Open House and 4 hours of class.

I'm grateful for Wendy who comes over to give my Syd a break on long Mondays.

And I'm really grateful to Sydney for her unconditional love, tail wagging, dog kisses and eternal optimism even after a long day.

• A beautiful fall day with a run up Gold Camp road, including the discovery of not just one tunnel, but two, turning aspen and a solid 12 1/4 miles.  
• a bounty of vegetables that turned into chocolate zucchini bread and ratatouille.  

So many little things to notice and to be grateful for...

• A "nearly knocked me over hug" in the grocery from my friend Jillian.  Hard not to know you are loved, right?!
• An early evening hike in Red Rock Canyon on the Contemplative trail, with Sydney, of course.  This was for her.
• Running into a friend I haven't seen in a few months.

Gratitude day 3...

• That I will spend MLK weekend in January with two of my very best friends!  Best news a girl could get on a Friday!
• Red wine, and girlfriends.
• A dog whose tail wags every time I come home.

Grateful today...

• For my friend Kaija, who is wise, kind, supportive and insightful.  So glad you will be in CO for a couple of months.
• For deciding to do the track workout this morning.  Sometimes it feels good to hurt.
• Oh, and oatmeal with peanut butter, pumpkin butter and cinnamon!

Daily Gratitude

In an effort to refocus my energy, I'm going to try to note at least one thing that makes me grateful each day until the end of the month.  This will be a reminder to myself that what I'm doing counts and that within each and every day there is goodness.

So today, I'm grateful for the wisdom I had to call it quits last night after a crummy run and an inability to focus on my reading.  I went to bed early and set my alarm for 5 to finish my reading and exercise in some way.  I got up feeling rested, at 5:05.  Finished my reading and took Syd for a 30 minute walk.  While the daytime temps didn't feel like fall, our morning walk did.

And so it begins again

15 years.  That's a long time.  That's how many years I've been at CC.  I'm not really old enough to have had a job this long, right?  I guess I am since this year also marks the beginning of a new decade.  Hard to believe I was only halfway through the first decade of adulthood when I started at CC.  It's been quite a run.

This travel season which begins on Thursday, may be the earliest in September I've ever gotten on a plane.  It's going to be even more frenetic than usual since I'm trying to balance class on Monday and Wednesday nights, as well as that full time plus job and traveling to DC, SF and HI.  Several short trips to avoid missing class early in the semester and two longer trips in late October and November  that can't be helped, but will mean only missing one of each class.  As I've mapped everything on the calendar I know there will be crunch points, but it seems feasible.  For now.  Ask me again in October.  Or not, you may not want the answer.  Neither may I.

As for running, well, I'm just hoping to run when I can.  Today was likely my second to last long run before the Denver Half on October 17.  Little far out, you might say?  Well yes, but that's just the way it's gonna have to be.  I'll be traveling and interviewing on the weekends and so I'm not sure there will be a two-hour window.  With on exception when I am in town on September 19.  That's a month out.   One more good long run.  And so the plan is to run when I can.  I have new tunes from Kat which will help with some treadmill runs.  This run isn't about time anyway.  It's about doing something bigger than me.  It's not about me at all, really.  So just finishing is good.   It's what I owe my generous friends, colleagues and family for their incredible generosity to me and to LLS!

The nights have been cool here - a sure sign that fall is on the way.  The mornings brisk.  I'm okay with that so long as the days are still warm.  I'm not ready for the cold.  And I'm not loving the dark.  I went for a run, uncharacteristically, after class on Wednesday night.  Syd and I left the house about 7:30 pm and by the time we got home 40 minutes later it was well past dusk.  I was running the sidewalks by memory, trying to remember where the buckles were so I wouldn't trip.  And the mornings, it's just getting light at 6 am.  The alarm went off today, I let Syd out and crawled back under the covers for another 10 minutes until the sky lightened up.

So not ready.

But it is inevitable.

The changing of the season.

Maybe that's what I need though.  A shift in season might bring the shift in energy that I am seeking.  I can hope anyway.

My own inner wisdom and guidance

It's like running a marathon. Or really training to run a marathon. Some training runs are fantastic, fulfilling and satisfying. Others are a grind. It's a good analogy for school. It's also an analogy that I can't take credit for, but that is an apt one for me.

This piece of wisdom helped me to successfully complete the final week of my first semeester back in school. That and another piece of advice. I'd forgotten to check in with my heart; I was, instead caught up in the chaos of my head which was telling me that it had been a long time since I'd been in school (a fact that is true), that I'm not really much of a student and it had me questioning on a daily basis whether or not I was capable of pursuing this graduate degree. But in my heart, I am confident that I can to the job that I want when I am done; the job that they are training to be even better at than I could be at this moment in time. College Counselor. The college piece I have down (well, for the most part) and the counselor piece I will have once I am done. So a reminder to listen to my heart when my anxiety level rises will help me get through the next three years.

So that conversation with a trusted confidante was the beginning of a change in me. That same day in our growth group, I took a big risk by sharing much more deeply than I had previously shared. It wasn't easy and it wasn't comfortable and I certainly didn't like the attention paid to me as a resullt, but it was cathartic. Eventually.

I woke up on Thursday morning in a funk, having left class the night before feeling pretty heavy and nervous about the work yet to be done. While I started my run with the gals up toward Barr Trail, I realized quickly that I wouldn't have a good run if I tried to keep up with them. I was tired from a night of fitful, nervous sleep and I was afraid I'd just get discouraged and only sink deeper into my mood. I couldn't afford that as I had a paper to work on and a test to study for. So I ran Ute pass on my own and met the girls back at The Mate Factor for my first Mate experience. Sitting with them, having made a good decision, I felt the weight begin to lift.

So I plan to tap my inner wisdeom when I feel the anxiety starting to escalate. I know I can do this job. I've gotten good feedback from my professor who teaches the lab section about my fit in this program and my natural ability to connect with clients (which will be students and I KNOW that is true).

And besides the inner wisdome, a Mate or two might help as well!

Time with Mom and Dad!

Not much time to write so a few photos will have to tell the story.  Time spent in Salida and the surrounding area - day hikes, wildflowers, sunsets, waterfalls.  Fantastic day at Denver Botanic Garden viewing the amazing Henry Moore sculptures in the stunning natural setting.  Loved the time with my folks.  Syd did too.  Feels a lot quiet now.  But there's lots to be done - a paper and an exam - before next week.  Photos don't capture all the yardwork they did - deeply grateful for that help!

Me amo Vallarta!

I am quite certain that I can't capture the last week in words.  I'll try and I'm certain that photos, once collected and sorted through, really will be worth a 1000 words.  And more photos here and here and here and....

Since December we've been talking about a trip to Puerto Vallarta.  In fact it was the day the picture above was taken that the idea began to germinate.  By the end of March, or maybe it was April, seven of us were the proud owners of roundtrip tickets Denver to Vallarta, June 24 - July 1.  It seemed an eternity away.

For me it marked the beginning of what was meant to be five weeks off.  I'm still taking that time off, but somewhere in the middle of May my life took an unexpected turn.  June 14 I started school.  Yep.  Masters in School Counseling.  My intent when I went in to meet with the professor was to talk about taking a class in the fall, easing into school since it's been an awfully long time.  But fate suggested that I should start this summer, so I have.  So that meant I had two weeks of school and then I was taking a week off.  It's been a whirlwind and some days I wonder if I rushed into this decision.  I have moments in class where I'm confident I can do this and then I have a lot of moments in the course of my daily life where I wonder if I can.  One day a time.

June 23 class ended at 9:50 pm.  By 11:30 pm I had finished and submitted my first reflection paper.  Midnight and I was in bed.  I can't remember the last time I got 3 hours sleep.  But that's what plane rides and Mexican vacations are for.  By 4:30 am on June 14 the girls arrived at my house and we headed to DIA.  And by 8:30  we were on a plane bound for Puerto Vallarta.

Vamos en Avion a Vallarta y despues de llegar - MARGARITAS!: Kathy and David pick the seven of us up at the airport and take the scenic route home, along the ocean and then up the hill.  Crazy cobble stoned streets and steep, sharp curves.  I cannot capture in words the streets - I marveled every time we drove up that we actually made it up!
Part 1:  Kathy and Dani mix up some margaritas.  Fresh squeezed lime juice, cointreau and tequila.  A little ice.  That's it.  Eventually, some guacamole and chips appeared and a bit later, Dani and Kathy grilled up some mango and brie quesadillas.  Maybe we should have done that in reverse order.  Because by 4:30 pm we were all sacked out.
Part 2:  Two hours later we gathered to head out on the town.  It was time for sunset and a drink at CC's on the beach.  A bite of dinner at Coco's kitchen and then we all collapsed.

Vamos a Buscar Viejo Vallarta:  Eight of us piled into Kathy's Jeep Cherokee and headed into town.  This day would hold some of our best memories and some of the best laughter.  Eight white women in Vallarta in the off season.  We stood out just a tad bit.  Beach vendors were desperate to lure us into look at their wares.  They tried every line in the book. "Almost Free, " "Come buy junk you don't need," and our personal favorite, "I single." We had lunch at Burros Bar on the Beach and meandered a bit around town.

Vamos a la playa de Mayto:  We took off for Mayto.  Two hours down a windy paved road, followed by a windy dirt road that descends to the ocean.  8 women in a Jeep Grand Cherokee.  It wasn't the most comfortable trip, but it was well worth the discomfort.  Notable moments on the drive included the first cattle drive we would see during our adventures and the first few of Mayto - or quite possibly - Heaven on Earth.  Picture a Corona commercial.  We pull up to two white-washed buildings, a spot of well-manicured grass, a stunningly blue pool, palm trees - one of which had a horse tied up beneath it, palapas breaking the grass from the sand and then the Pacific Ocean.  Look up the beach - nothing but beach.  Look down the beach, nothing but beach.  Wow!  This called for Pina Coladas after a quick change into swimsuits and sundresses for most of us.  Then it was off to Tehua, in the Jeep, about 10 minutes down the road.

Tehua is home to Cande's - platters of yummy shrimp and fish.  We watched as some of the employees brought in oysters from the ocean.  Can't get any fresher than that!  We lounged over lunch, margaritas and a beer or two.  And shots of Raicilla.  Takes like gasoline, we all decided.  Why did we try it (3 shots for 8 of us, by the way) - because it's a local product made out of a plant similar to the Agave (from whence comes Tequila).  No need to try that again.  EVER.  Blech.

The eight of us watched the sunset a cove a short walk from our hotel.  Not another soul on that beach but the eight of us.

Mayto un dia mas:  Sunday morning saw walks and runs on Mayto beach, followed by some lounging by the pool before we made the trek back to Vallarta.  The evening took us to a local place for some not so great synthesizer reggae music.  More good laughs and exhaustion, falling into bed.

Vamos a correr y vamos de compras:  Monday was my first run in Vallarta.  If you could call it a run.  Ugh.  Sticky, thick air to run through.  Dani took Jillian, Jane and I along the Malecon and back and then found the Vallarta version of the incline - 200 steps up from the beach.  Repeat 4 times.  Then run back up the hill to Kathy's place.  It took me two hours, a dip in the pool and a cold shower to cool down!  We ventured into town on foot, without Kathy for the day - to do some shopping.  I found a bracelet that I will wear for a lifetime and other's also found some jewelry, too.  We bought margarita glasses to match what Kathy's has at the house so we can toast here at home.  We lunched at Cafe de Olla - YUMMY rellenos and watched a little World Cup Soccer before heading to the grocery store.  We ran into Kathy's friend Marilyn - we felt a little like locals, actually meeting people in the street that we knew!  We were a sight once again - 7 gringa women walking up the hill with grocery bags and Jane with a 24-pack of Modelo on her head.  Taxi?  Who needs one!  We ate in this night, played some banana-grams and Maddy taught some dance moves!

Aventura:  We went separate ways.  Maddy, Jillian and I headed to Los Veranos Canopy Tours for little adrenaline rush.  14 zip lines, the longest of which was 400 m long.  There wasn't ever time to be nervous because our self-dubbed "Super Mexicans" were so good at getting you on the cable and off your feet!  We all flew upside down over the river and through the trees.  Was an awesome experience and most certainly was on my list of "40 firsts" for this year!   The rest of the gang headed to the Botanical Gardens for a more mellow, but no less fun day.  We reconvened at home for another night in including homemade guacamole and some fresh fruit - pineapple, mango and papaya to go along with our Margs and Modelo.

Vamos a las montanas para cafe and milagros:  Wednesday was another road trip.  7 of us piled in the jeep; Jillian opting for a chill day in Vallarta by the pool.  30 minutes across Vallarta and we began to climb into the mountains.  The change in scenery was dramatic and wonderful.  We found ourselves, as planned, in San Sebastian del Oeste, a charming little mountain town.  Cobbled streets and peacefulness that was so appealing.  We had breakfast and coffee and then walked a bit around town before heading to Cafe de Altura to take home some of the famed coffee that Dani and Kathy raved about.  The proprietress of the store was charming and patient.  She even complimented me on my broken Spanish.

From San Sebastian we headed to Mascota - a rural, Mexican ranching town.  It is home to the ruins of an unfinished cathedral that would have been stunning had it been completed.  Along the winding, twisting road to Mascota we encountered  our second cattle drive - this one preceded by a woman on horseback with her arm outstretched holding a red caution flag.  We puzzled for a minute til we rounded the bend and it all made sense.  For the second time, Dani was behind the wheel.  She's the master at driving through cattle herds!

Past Mascota we headed up once again to the village of Talpa.  This was our final destination to see the Virgen de Talpa.  She is known to have performed many a miracle and many are depicted in hand drawns pictures of gratitude in the museum adjacent to the church.  She's much tinier than we anticipated and it was after much searching that we realized that she was on the main alter.  Duh!  But she was so small and there were so many other adornments, including stunning floral arrangements that it seems easy to have nearly missed her!  It was a magical day, which ended with Pina Colada's that Jillian made (after her own trip into Vallarta, her own rendezvous with Marilyn and a day to reenergize) and a rich, laughter-filled dinner a a local place - Tony's Please.

Por ultimo: Thursday morning brought one last run with Dani, Jillian and Jane and 3 more trips up and down the staircase.  We breakfasted on the terrace one last time and left for the airport under a light mist.  This was the first day that we felt rain during the day.  The entire rest of our stay it rained only at night.

I cannot find the words to describe what this trip truly means to me.  The group of women that I traveled with are remarkable, strong, individuals.  I am blessed to have each of them in my life and so thankful that we: Dani, Jillian, Maddy, Megan, Staci, Jane and I could spend this amazing week with Dani's sister Kathy, for whom I have so much admiration.  I love you all and I thank you all for your presence in my life.

A wave of nostalgia

I got to go to Minnesota this weekend. I was there a mere 36 hours, or so. But I made the most of it.

Good thing that Hertz decided to upgrade me to a car with NeverLost since I didn't think to take a map with map. After all, it was only 15 years ago that I left MN. I've been back a few times - twice to run Grandma's Marathon (my first and my Boston Qualifer, LOVE Duluth) and a time or two to visit with friends. But that's not enough to recall how to get around in a car!

My first stop was Northfield to see Jody & Meg. I got to see Jody's awesome new house and I, thankfully, did not meet any of the garter snakes in her beautiful yard. Minnesota is so green. So green. Maybe it's the contrast to CO that isn't really all that green. We are, after all, a semi-arid climate. Jody and I lived around the corner from one another when I lived in Northfield and would often meet for an after work walk in the neighborhood. She now lives around the corner from another friends old home. It's a wonderfully small town.

After touring Jody's new home we headed to The Tavern at the Archer House Hotel for lunch. Yum. It was a great chance to catch up on everyone's lives and families. Post lunch, Jody gave me the nickel tour of Northfield - showing me the additions to the Carleton campus and to town itself. We finished our tour at Lyrical Looms, Meg's weaving "studio." She and a fellow weaver are renting space in the back of a shop that sells lots of local arts and crafts to showcase their art and their work. It was great fun to see Meg's loom and hear about the decade or so of weaving that she's done!

I could have spent much more time in Northfield, but I left with the smell of Malt O' Meal wafting through town - a fitting end to a good afternoon. I zipped up 35, thankful again for that GPS system, as I made my way to Uptown for a quick drink with Jennifer and then dinner with Matt and Jason-Aeric at Stella's Fish Cafe. Dinner was fabulous as was the company. Matt, Renee and I (along with another Matt and Kelly) were road-warriors together throughout MN back in 1993 and 1994. I laughed a lot with Matt and Jason-Aeric and loved listening to their stories of MN life, the remodel of their kitchen, travel adventures completed and in the works and their lives in general.

As I made my way to my hotel in downtown Minneapolis, I couldn't help but smile and feel completely filled up! Literally and figuratively.

A trip to MN wouldn't be complete without a run and a lake. I made my way from the hotel to Lake of the Isles - the first in a string of lakes just West of downtown. While I didn't have enough time to go all the way around, I was pleased to see one of the lakes ON foot!

My morning was spent at The Blake School doing an admission Simulation with rising seniors. They were a fun, animated and bright group of students!

I finished out my MN time with some shopping in Uptown - a local bookseller, Penzey's Spices, a local record store in search of the new Storyhill album (which they didn't have, but they so graciously told me where I could get it that I went back and perused the used CD's and took home A Fine Frenzy and Amos Lee). Then it was back to Penzy's to fill mom's order. And finally, a trip to Minneapolis would not be complete without a stop at Sebastian Joe's. Yumm. Oreo Cookie, KayKay told me last night. I wasn't committing to a flavor until I got there, but Oreo Cookie it was. And it did not disappoint. Back in the day when Renee lived on Humboldt St in Uptown, we would get Sebastian Joe's to go in the DEAD OF WINTER because they'd give you a discount based upon the degrees below zero that it was. A fantastic trip down memory lane.

It was maybe just enough time in MN. And then just a short flight home to my four-legged girl. So glad to be back with Syd, but so glad to have had such wonderful time with friends that I see so rarely.

A quick, but awesome trip to the land of 10,000 lakes, Youbetcha, friends!

I was witness to the wonderful gift of parenthood today. My friends, Laura and Brian, are new parents to Emily Katherine born two weeks ago. She's beautiful and tiny and as perfect as every newborn is! And they seem so at ease with her and with each other in their new roles as parents. They didn't get much sleep last night, but you wouldn't have known. They told the story of her birth, each of them sharing their memories, complimenting one another's stories. I've spent a lot of time with Laura and less with Brian, but they both welcomed me into their home as an old friend. I might have stayed all day though I know better than that. And as I wound my way down the mountain back to the yard work that was awaiting me I found myself fighting back tears.

It's a multitude of things, I know that. It's being witness to such a beautiful, loving and comfortable relationship. And wondering what I have done so that this kind of relationship eludes me. I have been unlucky, maybe. Or I have chosen wrong. I don't really know. But I envy what Laura and Brian have together.

And it is spending lots of time this weekend doing house chores - cleaning inside and getting the surface done, but not getting past the surface and not really purging because there just isn't enough time. Well there is enough time if I forgo spending time with my friends. Which. I. Need. Otherwise the loneliness overwhelms me.

Or it's the yard which seems like no matter how much time I spend, it never looks like I've done anything. I always feel a bit lonely when I spend time doing chores. And after several hours of work the yard doesn't actually look any different than when I started. Except that I moved the fallen tree branch and there are piles of leaves that need to be bagged. Seriously my backyard looks like the Beverly Hillbillies yard - if they had one. Ugh. And the front isn't much better right now. But. It. Is. Better. And the gutters are clean. But only I know that.

My clean and much less furry dog is lying at my feet. That is my biggest success this weekend. Taking Syd for a bath. She didn't love it, in fact didn't really like it at all. But I can now pet her without taking out handfuls of hair. Wonder why I waited so long? She must feel so much cooler and lighter, too. It is she who makes me smile on days like today. The expectant and hopeful looks she gives me hoping that I will take her for a walk. Friday we see the surgeon and hopefully we can start leash walks again. She's ready. So am I. She cracked me up today because she has a rawhide in the living room and a bone on the kitchen floor, but she sniffs the treat drawer in the hope that I will give her an altogether different treat. Yes. I. know. she. is. spoiled.

I am reminded that I should live my life with that kind of hope and expectation. Thanks, Sydney, for modeling the best reaction to adversity. I am so glad you picked me out 5 years ago!

Aunt Jess "samich"

Nothing better than waking up in the morning to two little munchkins making an Aunt Jess "samich." Tristan wakes up talking and doesn't stop until his head hits the pillow. But at 6 in the morning, he peeks his head into my room and when I nod, he slips under the covers and just curls up. Eventually he hears Katie and gets up. "Katie, do you want to come snuggle with Aunt Jess?" So they both climb under the covers. And we have peace for about 10 minutes, maybe. And then Tristan realizes that he is the bread and I am the cheese and Katie is the other slice of bread - all the components of an Aunt Jess "samich" and a fit of giggles. It's a good way to wake up and a good reason to skip a run.

My few days with the urchins, as their parents call them, are never enough. Tristan and I go for a bike ride. And then he rides his bike to the park where he plays for a bit and then tricks me into taking the long way home. I am on foot this time. But he's good and waits at all the corners and looks back to make sure that I am coming after long stretches of sidewalk. And Tristan beat me handily at The Kids of Carcasonne. On day one it was Tristan: 5, Aunt Jess: 2 and one tie. On day two I fared a tad bit better and this four-year old beat me fair and square every time. He's figured out game theory and he's good! Really, really good! :-)

Katie had an awful lot going on while I was visiting. Most notably was her star performance as a Pixie in Cinderella. And that meant dance class on Thursday and rehearsal from 4-8 on Friday - full make-up and all. But she wasn't fond of the make-up - made her face feel like plastic :-). Friday, I got the chance to help out in her classroom - Math Centers. She was ecstatic and I had such a fun time helping out. On Saturday everyone else went to the farmer's market and I helped her decorate her own messenger bag. She did an impressive job and we had a lot of fun arranging and rearranging decals and stuff.

But the highlight was the dance performance. The Fairfax Ballet did a spring show, including Cinderella which allowed all the dance classes at Katie's dance school to have a part in the show. I loved watching Katie. She new her dance, she had a huge, beautiful smile on her face and she clearly had a wonderful time. I don't get to see these things often and I feel blessed that my work took me to VA at just the right time.

Something will be missing the next few mornings without my Aunt Jess "samich." Until next time my dear, sweet urchins! Aunt Jess loves you and misses you.

One Journey's end begins a new journey...

"Well, " said Pooh, "We keep looking for home and not finding it, so I thought if we looked for this pit we'd be sure not to find it, which would be a good thing, because we might find something we weren't looking for, which might be just what we were looking for really." A.A. Milne

I felt at peace yesterday but not as much today. It feels good to be able to begin making plans for the summer. Committing to things like signing up to train with Team in Training for the Denver Half Marathon - to add a dimension to my running that isn't just about me and to think about taking classes in the fall. To know that I can actually hike those mountains with my friend Marigny. But even in that solidness of knowing that staying here is a good decision, there is my constant nemesis, the unknown.

I am blessed to be surrounded by many good friends. I was reminded of that this week as Jillian, Christy and Ryan got me back into the climbing gym. It was a blast! I've missed it and I've got a long way to go to get back to a fitness level there that is respectable - but it's good to have discovered within the group of people to close to me, others that love to climb. That was followed by a birthday celebration for a friend and margaritas at CRC in celebration of Cinco de Mayo!

And then there is the group of women I call my book club. Half of us didn't read the book and of the half that started it, I believe none of us finished it. I finally did today and I'm glad to be done with it - but that's an aside. I laugh so harder with these women. That's two months in a row that I've laughed so hard my sides hurt and I had tears squeaking out of my eyes. We started with a strict set of rules regarding reading and discussing the book, but those have relaxed because we enjoy each other's company so much that we'd rather it create a reason that we get together even if we don't get the book read.

And last night I did the Chick Crawl with two of my most rock solid friends, Marigny and Karen. I wouldn't describe any of us as shoppers, but we had a great time exploring local shops and laughing.

And today, was a morning hike with Alyssa. Not my usual Sunday run as it was Mother's Day, but the perfect alternative to a run was a hike with a view of the Peak to the West and the plains to the East. And most importantly, good company.

I have always known I am blessed with amazing community here. I've worked to build that and I'm so glad not to leave it. So why the struggle today? Sometimes surrounding myself with so much love and community accentuates the time by myself. And I know that worrying about Sydney isn't helping that. She's in good spirits post surgery to release her torn left biceps tendon, but there's a bit of swelling and well she just can't talk to me and that makes me a little nervous and a lot neurotic. And it makes me wish that there was someone right here to consult, to tell me that it looks fine, that I'm worrying too much, or to give me something else to focus on. Patience is apparently the requirement for me, but sometimes I don't want to be patient. I've learned an awful lot through this search this spring, but the one constant, before, during and after is the desire to find someone with whom I can share this life. In addition to my sweet Sydney.

So this journey since the first of the year has brought me right back to where I started - at least in terms of physical existence. I know I am not in the same place emotionally that I was in January. I am at once both more grounded and more buoyant and I'm hopeful again.

Motivation

My motivation and desire to run has really waned in the last few months. Sure, part of that is the fact that I haven't signed up for any major race this year, but I'm not at all sad about the fact that I don't have summer filled with races for which to train.

I am struggling to get out the door because of that precious face in the photo above. Yup. Sydney is out of commission, again. We had about two weeks in early April, but for the short term she's a house bound dog. We see the orthopedic vet on Wednesday in the hopes of getting a firm diagnosis and treatment plan. The xrays show a healthy right shoulder and a not so healthy left shoulder. Could be bone, cartilage, tendon, joint - not really sure. But we know it's not muscular. Her blood panel came back perfect, so that's positive and hopeful and will allow the orthopedic vet to move forward in whatever way he needs to - possibly scoping her shoulder. Poor thing. The pain meds she's on have taken away all pain and all evidence of a limp - which I am taking as a positive sign that the treatment for whatever is ailing the shoulder will be able to remedy her shoulder and then she'll be running with me again.

But there is little motivation to get out the door when I know that I have to leave her home. Sydney LOVES to run. No words can accurately describe how much she loves to run. She not only knows the shoes, but the clothes and even the inhaler that signify it's time to head out the door for a good run. Thank goodness for the Garden Training runs, for my Sunday girls and for calls from those Sunday girls to run on days other than Sundays - otherwise I would be sleeping in every day.

And I miss her on my runs more than I imagined. Not only does she keep us from getting lost, but she's my faithful companion. Running is what we do together. It satisfies us both. So even now when I do get out the door, it just doesn't feel right.

And so today I decided that maybe new running shoes would help with the motivation. I used to be a regular - buying new running shoes every 3 months or so. I can't remember the last pair I bought. And the last pair I bought that I think are the only good running shoes I have aren't really good anymore. So maybe tomorrow new running shoes and new socks will help with the motivation and the feel of hitting the trail.

Called to serve. Redux.

As a child, my family often spent Sundays in the mountains - our cathedral, so to speak. I have always thought of the outdoors as my spiritual home. I can recall many times in my life when getting away from the city and outside brought peace to a turbulent soul. I spent this beautiful spring morning on one of my favorite trails, Section 16/Palmer Red Rock Loop in Colorado Springs with good friends - human and canine. The perfect way to spend my Sunday morning; others spent the day worshipping in more traditional ways, but I know that I was right were I was meant to be.

In November I posted about finding purpose and being called to serve. I find myself thinking about this topic again, a mere 5 months later. This time it is in a slightly different context.

A week ago I spent two days at a remarkable little school in Monterey, CA. It's a school founded by Dominican Nuns in 1950. I wondered what it would be like to work at a faith-based school for someone like myself who is not religious. Spiritual, yes; religious, no. I came away knowing that I could work at this particular place - the people are varied in their own beliefs, but they share a common set of values rooted deeply in honesty, integrity and service.

And yet I am certain that this particular place is not where I am called to serve. In part, because I believe in balance and not completely in a life of service. I've thought about this often. I am not the kind of person that would find satisfaction in a job that is just a 9-5 pays the bills, but from which I garner little satisfaction. I want, and have worked, in a job that I do value, that I do care about and that I probably take home a little too often. But there is a fine line between job = life and job/life balance that is more than just a paycheck.

A day or two have passed since I started this post:

Chronologically I may be considered middle-aged, or maybe close to it, but on most days my spirit and my soul still feel young. I still think of myself as young and I want to be part of a vibrant community filled with a diversity of opinions and interests. I am not at all certain that I will find that on the Monterey Peninsula. It's a beautiful, small and possibly somewhat insular community. Maybe ideal with a young family, or as a place to retire. But I'm not certain it's the place I want to go to widen my community. If I choose to leave this place that I have called home for 15 years, I want to be able to imagine myself living 15 years in the next place - even if that isn't the case - I'd like to be able to envision it. Monterey, Carmel, Pebble Beach, Big Sur - they are all beautiful, but how long will that beauty be enough to fill my soul?

I need community. I've lived alone most of my adult life, but I need my people: my family and my friends who are my local family. I don't think I've found quite the right place to give up the roots I've put down. So maybe for the moment I am right where I am meant to be. The moment could change tomorrow, as there are still some possibilities floating in the universe.

But tomorrow it's time to make the decision definitive. It won't be easy, but in my heart I know that it is right. I've been "sitting" with this decision for a few days now. And I feel grounded and solid in a way that I haven't in months. So I've done all the logical research and the thinking that has allowed me to listen to my heart; to sit with my decision and feel that it is the right one, despite a good opportunity. I am willing to take the chance on those other opportunities. Maybe they will want to talk to me and maybe they won't, but that is a risk I want to take. And if that means staying here, well then, that is what is meant to be.

So tomorrow I will head to the Garden for an early morning run with Sydney and possibly a friend or two, so that I may ground myself to make a difficult phone call, but one that I know is right.

Side by side

It is hard to believe that the snow covered streets were Wednesday last week and on Thursday the sun drenched images were my daily experience for a mere 52 hours. It is fitting to compare these photos - these glimpses of springtime in two different western towns. I am struggling to find joy in the classic Colorado spring we are experiencing: 60 degrees one day and 35 degrees the next, repeated every few days. It is late March and we are headed into April - likely the two most volatile weather months we have. Needles to say I was glad to escape to the West coast for an intense couple of days.

I have experienced a full range of emotions between the moment of the snowy photo and this moment in which I write. Interviewing will do that to me. Anticipation, fear, euphoria and in some moments it's all mixed into one odd feeling. I visited a place I hadn't been in many years - once upon a time with my family over a winter break. My poor memory can't recall whether it was a childhood trip to the Monterey Peninsula or an early adulthood trip - it's been a while - let's just say. It is a beautiful place. Stunning at some turns, even.

So now it is time to reflect on all I learned about myself, about this place and about possibility.

Searching

It hasn't been a great year in terms of work. And, any given week I spend 40-60 hours working. Days like today make me wonder if job searching is really what I must do. But I am reminded that 5 hours on a Sunday hasn't been enough to feed my soul for those 40-60 hours each week.

I am blessed to have built a wonderful community here. Sundays are regularly spent with the girls in the photo at the top of the page. Today was a perfect spring day. Classic blue-bird, CO skies and fresh snow fallen only two days before made the trails slippery but absolutely gorgeous. I was happy to be out and not at all in a hurry to get anywhere. Trail running feeds my spirit in a way that the precision and dedication of road running once did.

But if feels so odd to run without Sydney. She's been nursing a sore shoulder for about 5 weeks now. She is finally off pain meds, but she doesn't seem to realize that chasing a squirrel or motorcycle in the backyard doesn't help her recovery. We've been taking short walks because I just couldn't bear to keep her cooped up any longer. I'm hopeful that this week will show improvement and that maybe next week she can run with me, a bit. But today we could have used her. She knows the trails we've run by heart - sort of savant-like. And we missed the turn-off from Williams Canyon that leads up to Waldo. She would NOT have missed that turn-off. She's that good. That was the plan. We knew it would be an adventure because of the recent snow. It was more of an adventure than we anticipated! We knew that we would end up at Rampart Range road and expected to run down the road, into the Garden and back to Manitou. But some incline club runners came upon us just as we got to the road. And they told us they knew a trail, as opposed to the road, that would dump as out right at Memorial Park, through the Garden.

We knew that we were off course when we saw Glenn Eyrie. Wrong side of the Garden. And I think that's when the energy started to peter out. We did eventually find a good trail that lead to the Garden and we did eventually make it back. It was a perfect day for this kind of adventure. I find it funny that we, all five of us, somewhat blindly followed 3 men we didn't know. But we did.

And then we headed up the pass to Dani's for an awesome breakfast. I think she called it Miga. Mexican egg scramble that was the perfect meal after a longer than anticipated run. It was awesome to sit in Dani's comfortable house with my girlfriends. And as I drove home I wondered about this whole job search.

That wonder is especially relevant this week as I am headed to Monterey, CA on Wednesday night to interview for a job on Thursday. This time last week I was sure that I wasn't going to get any interviews - it had been so long since I submitted my resume and it seemed that the only thing out there was radio silence. I was feeling discouraged, really discouraged. Then the call came out of the blue. And the same day, I found out a job I interviewed for 7 years ago is open again. I really wanted that job then. The person who got the job, a professional friend now, is retiring. And there are two other interesting positions out there. So there is movement now. And Monterey is as beautiful as Colorado Springs but with a different landscape.

But after a morning like today, I wonder if I am crazy to leave a good community. And then I am reminded that my friends have their own lives and that these precious hours are cherished but they don't fill me up for long enough. I need more fulfillment and satisfaction from what I give the most of my hours to and I need to find a partner with whom to live out my life. For some people that is not essential; I am not one of those people. It's possible I could find that person here - but after almost 15 years it hasn't happened. And I know that I might be able to better manage my professional struggles and frustrations if I had someone to come home to. Not because I could vent, but because I would have something else to look forward to, something to take me away from my day. I love my Sydney, and she makes me smile every day, but she does not fill me up the way I so wish to be filled.

I also know that an interview doesn't necessarily yield an offer and I have a lot of questions about the job and the community and the fit. But I do know that I need to go through this process even if it keeps me right here; even if it requires that I leave the treasured time with my girlfriends. And not just these running friends. There are others that have given me so much over the days, weeks, months and years here in Colorado Springs. But I cannot be complacent about how I am feeling and so I must seek something else.

I must also listen to my heart and trust it's recommendations. So here is to this journey that is a daily struggle for me, but that I believe will yield that change I have been craving for a really, really long time now.

Finding Peace

It seems ironic to think about this because as I write the 3 sleeping dogs have all arisen and are alert and listening. For what, I don't know, but they are not feeling peaceful and are, in fact, barking and running around.

I'm grateful, at least right now, for the chance to get away from my own home - a change in perspective, maybe - and to spend the weekend in the Black Forest, dog and chicken sitting. If the dogs continue to be overly protective, I may not see this as the sanctuary that it is right now. But I'm optimistic.

I've been here before - craving change. Not little change, but something really big. I've been in my current job for 14 1/2 years and I'm not at all sure I want to be in it for another 14 years. Right now it isn't "right" but I know that if I am meant to stay here, I will learn something (or many things) about myself in the coming days, weeks, maybe months, that will allow me to redefine my place here and make it "right" again.

On one hand I think I'm crazy to think about a new job in this economy. I have a well-paying, good job. And yet it is not as satisfying as it once was. Maybe I've been lucky to have a job that was satisfying - that wasn't just a means to pay the mortgage, buy the dog food and live a lifestyle that is comfortable. So maybe that's part of this journey - to learn how to be less defined by my work. But maybe this journey is also about taking a risk again. It's been a long time since I really took a big risk. Some might argue that's not true - what about running Pikes Peak, ice climbing or snowboarding? Sure they are out of my comfort zone and sure maybe I can learn something for having done all those things. But it's awfully hard to laugh at yourself when you are thinking about wholesale life change; much easier when you are just trying out snowboarding for the first time.

Not that I have any real options on the table. So I need to remember what a wise friend recently told me, we'll go there when we get there. It's good advice, but it's really hard not to think about all the possible implications beyond this moment.

I have moments of real clarity when I speak with conviction and I believe myself - I really want a college counseling job, not an admissions job. And then I find out a little bit more information and I start questioning myself again. One is working with 8th graders and the other is working with 11th graders. Monumental difference. One allows for the opportunity to watch them grow for four years and the other provides the opportunity to really know them and to guide them in making good choices about the future.

And then there is the whole idea of moving. Do I really want to leave my community? It's a really good place. And yet...The idea of moving to a small town is appealing, but is 10,000 people too small? Especially when it's not near anything else? I still have hope that someday I'll find that elusive mythical creature (so said the bumper sticker Jane saw today, "I believe in dragons, good men and other mythical creatures), but does a town of 10,000 help or hinder? So many places in the West that I would consider are so expensive. I have to be smart, but somehow I have to figure out how to make a decision. Not that I have any big decisions to make.

And maybe the advice from my mom's mom has some real value. It was something along the lines of all will fall into place if it's right. So maybe I have too many reservations and too many questions and that in and of itself is something to notice.

The peace has subsided today. The dogs have been wrestling and chasing chickens, but it's still good to get away and to think a bit. Not sure I've yet come to the decision I need to make by Monday, but it's only Saturday...so while I'm not as unsettled as the dogs, I'm only a step along this journey which will hopefully lead me to a peace of some kind.

In the wise words of Thoreau

“I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there. Perhaps it seemed to me I had several more lives to live and no more time for that one.” Walden