I am blessed to have built a wonderful community here. Sundays are regularly spent with the girls in the photo at the top of the page. Today was a perfect spring day. Classic blue-bird, CO skies and fresh snow fallen only two days before made the trails slippery but absolutely gorgeous. I was happy to be out and not at all in a hurry to get anywhere. Trail running feeds my spirit in a way that the precision and dedication of road running once did.
But if feels so odd to run without Sydney. She's been nursing a sore shoulder for about 5 weeks now. She is finally off pain meds, but she doesn't seem to realize that chasing a squirrel or motorcycle in the backyard doesn't help her recovery. We've been taking short walks because I just couldn't bear to keep her cooped up any longer. I'm hopeful that this week will show improvement and that maybe next week she can run with me, a bit. But today we could have used her. She knows the trails we've run by heart - sort of savant-like. And we missed the turn-off from Williams Canyon that leads up to Waldo. She would NOT have missed that turn-off. She's that good. That was the plan. We knew it would be an adventure because of the recent snow. It was more of an adventure than we anticipated! We knew that we would end up at Rampart Range road and expected to run down the road, into the Garden and back to Manitou. But some incline club runners came upon us just as we got to the road. And they told us they knew a trail, as opposed to the road, that would dump as out right at Memorial Park, through the Garden.
We knew that we were off course when we saw Glenn Eyrie. Wrong side of the Garden. And I think that's when the energy started to peter out. We did eventually find a good trail that lead to the Garden and we did eventually make it back. It was a perfect day for this kind of adventure. I find it funny that we, all five of us, somewhat blindly followed 3 men we didn't know. But we did.
And then we headed up the pass to Dani's for an awesome breakfast. I think she called it Miga. Mexican egg scramble that was the perfect meal after a longer than anticipated run. It was awesome to sit in Dani's comfortable house with my girlfriends. And as I drove home I wondered about this whole job search.
That wonder is especially relevant this week as I am headed to Monterey, CA on Wednesday night to interview for a job on Thursday. This time last week I was sure that I wasn't going to get any interviews - it had been so long since I submitted my resume and it seemed that the only thing out there was radio silence. I was feeling discouraged, really discouraged. Then the call came out of the blue. And the same day, I found out a job I interviewed for 7 years ago is open again. I really wanted that job then. The person who got the job, a professional friend now, is retiring. And there are two other interesting positions out there. So there is movement now. And Monterey is as beautiful as Colorado Springs but with a different landscape.
But after a morning like today, I wonder if I am crazy to leave a good community. And then I am reminded that my friends have their own lives and that these precious hours are cherished but they don't fill me up for long enough. I need more fulfillment and satisfaction from what I give the most of my hours to and I need to find a partner with whom to live out my life. For some people that is not essential; I am not one of those people. It's possible I could find that person here - but after almost 15 years it hasn't happened. And I know that I might be able to better manage my professional struggles and frustrations if I had someone to come home to. Not because I could vent, but because I would have something else to look forward to, something to take me away from my day. I love my Sydney, and she makes me smile every day, but she does not fill me up the way I so wish to be filled.
I also know that an interview doesn't necessarily yield an offer and I have a lot of questions about the job and the community and the fit. But I do know that I need to go through this process even if it keeps me right here; even if it requires that I leave the treasured time with my girlfriends. And not just these running friends. There are others that have given me so much over the days, weeks, months and years here in Colorado Springs. But I cannot be complacent about how I am feeling and so I must seek something else.
I must also listen to my heart and trust it's recommendations. So here is to this journey that is a daily struggle for me, but that I believe will yield that change I have been craving for a really, really long time now.
1 comment:
You are, and will continue to be blessed with so many gifts my dear...where ever that may be. I so understand the filling aspect you speak of...that of which you are absolutely deserving.
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