Called to serve. Redux.

As a child, my family often spent Sundays in the mountains - our cathedral, so to speak. I have always thought of the outdoors as my spiritual home. I can recall many times in my life when getting away from the city and outside brought peace to a turbulent soul. I spent this beautiful spring morning on one of my favorite trails, Section 16/Palmer Red Rock Loop in Colorado Springs with good friends - human and canine. The perfect way to spend my Sunday morning; others spent the day worshipping in more traditional ways, but I know that I was right were I was meant to be.

In November I posted about finding purpose and being called to serve. I find myself thinking about this topic again, a mere 5 months later. This time it is in a slightly different context.

A week ago I spent two days at a remarkable little school in Monterey, CA. It's a school founded by Dominican Nuns in 1950. I wondered what it would be like to work at a faith-based school for someone like myself who is not religious. Spiritual, yes; religious, no. I came away knowing that I could work at this particular place - the people are varied in their own beliefs, but they share a common set of values rooted deeply in honesty, integrity and service.

And yet I am certain that this particular place is not where I am called to serve. In part, because I believe in balance and not completely in a life of service. I've thought about this often. I am not the kind of person that would find satisfaction in a job that is just a 9-5 pays the bills, but from which I garner little satisfaction. I want, and have worked, in a job that I do value, that I do care about and that I probably take home a little too often. But there is a fine line between job = life and job/life balance that is more than just a paycheck.

A day or two have passed since I started this post:

Chronologically I may be considered middle-aged, or maybe close to it, but on most days my spirit and my soul still feel young. I still think of myself as young and I want to be part of a vibrant community filled with a diversity of opinions and interests. I am not at all certain that I will find that on the Monterey Peninsula. It's a beautiful, small and possibly somewhat insular community. Maybe ideal with a young family, or as a place to retire. But I'm not certain it's the place I want to go to widen my community. If I choose to leave this place that I have called home for 15 years, I want to be able to imagine myself living 15 years in the next place - even if that isn't the case - I'd like to be able to envision it. Monterey, Carmel, Pebble Beach, Big Sur - they are all beautiful, but how long will that beauty be enough to fill my soul?

I need community. I've lived alone most of my adult life, but I need my people: my family and my friends who are my local family. I don't think I've found quite the right place to give up the roots I've put down. So maybe for the moment I am right where I am meant to be. The moment could change tomorrow, as there are still some possibilities floating in the universe.

But tomorrow it's time to make the decision definitive. It won't be easy, but in my heart I know that it is right. I've been "sitting" with this decision for a few days now. And I feel grounded and solid in a way that I haven't in months. So I've done all the logical research and the thinking that has allowed me to listen to my heart; to sit with my decision and feel that it is the right one, despite a good opportunity. I am willing to take the chance on those other opportunities. Maybe they will want to talk to me and maybe they won't, but that is a risk I want to take. And if that means staying here, well then, that is what is meant to be.

So tomorrow I will head to the Garden for an early morning run with Sydney and possibly a friend or two, so that I may ground myself to make a difficult phone call, but one that I know is right.