I was witness to the wonderful gift of parenthood today. My friends, Laura and Brian, are new parents to Emily Katherine born two weeks ago. She's beautiful and tiny and as perfect as every newborn is! And they seem so at ease with her and with each other in their new roles as parents. They didn't get much sleep last night, but you wouldn't have known. They told the story of her birth, each of them sharing their memories, complimenting one another's stories. I've spent a lot of time with Laura and less with Brian, but they both welcomed me into their home as an old friend. I might have stayed all day though I know better than that. And as I wound my way down the mountain back to the yard work that was awaiting me I found myself fighting back tears.

It's a multitude of things, I know that. It's being witness to such a beautiful, loving and comfortable relationship. And wondering what I have done so that this kind of relationship eludes me. I have been unlucky, maybe. Or I have chosen wrong. I don't really know. But I envy what Laura and Brian have together.

And it is spending lots of time this weekend doing house chores - cleaning inside and getting the surface done, but not getting past the surface and not really purging because there just isn't enough time. Well there is enough time if I forgo spending time with my friends. Which. I. Need. Otherwise the loneliness overwhelms me.

Or it's the yard which seems like no matter how much time I spend, it never looks like I've done anything. I always feel a bit lonely when I spend time doing chores. And after several hours of work the yard doesn't actually look any different than when I started. Except that I moved the fallen tree branch and there are piles of leaves that need to be bagged. Seriously my backyard looks like the Beverly Hillbillies yard - if they had one. Ugh. And the front isn't much better right now. But. It. Is. Better. And the gutters are clean. But only I know that.

My clean and much less furry dog is lying at my feet. That is my biggest success this weekend. Taking Syd for a bath. She didn't love it, in fact didn't really like it at all. But I can now pet her without taking out handfuls of hair. Wonder why I waited so long? She must feel so much cooler and lighter, too. It is she who makes me smile on days like today. The expectant and hopeful looks she gives me hoping that I will take her for a walk. Friday we see the surgeon and hopefully we can start leash walks again. She's ready. So am I. She cracked me up today because she has a rawhide in the living room and a bone on the kitchen floor, but she sniffs the treat drawer in the hope that I will give her an altogether different treat. Yes. I. know. she. is. spoiled.

I am reminded that I should live my life with that kind of hope and expectation. Thanks, Sydney, for modeling the best reaction to adversity. I am so glad you picked me out 5 years ago!