One Journey's end begins a new journey...

"Well, " said Pooh, "We keep looking for home and not finding it, so I thought if we looked for this pit we'd be sure not to find it, which would be a good thing, because we might find something we weren't looking for, which might be just what we were looking for really." A.A. Milne

I felt at peace yesterday but not as much today. It feels good to be able to begin making plans for the summer. Committing to things like signing up to train with Team in Training for the Denver Half Marathon - to add a dimension to my running that isn't just about me and to think about taking classes in the fall. To know that I can actually hike those mountains with my friend Marigny. But even in that solidness of knowing that staying here is a good decision, there is my constant nemesis, the unknown.

I am blessed to be surrounded by many good friends. I was reminded of that this week as Jillian, Christy and Ryan got me back into the climbing gym. It was a blast! I've missed it and I've got a long way to go to get back to a fitness level there that is respectable - but it's good to have discovered within the group of people to close to me, others that love to climb. That was followed by a birthday celebration for a friend and margaritas at CRC in celebration of Cinco de Mayo!

And then there is the group of women I call my book club. Half of us didn't read the book and of the half that started it, I believe none of us finished it. I finally did today and I'm glad to be done with it - but that's an aside. I laugh so harder with these women. That's two months in a row that I've laughed so hard my sides hurt and I had tears squeaking out of my eyes. We started with a strict set of rules regarding reading and discussing the book, but those have relaxed because we enjoy each other's company so much that we'd rather it create a reason that we get together even if we don't get the book read.

And last night I did the Chick Crawl with two of my most rock solid friends, Marigny and Karen. I wouldn't describe any of us as shoppers, but we had a great time exploring local shops and laughing.

And today, was a morning hike with Alyssa. Not my usual Sunday run as it was Mother's Day, but the perfect alternative to a run was a hike with a view of the Peak to the West and the plains to the East. And most importantly, good company.

I have always known I am blessed with amazing community here. I've worked to build that and I'm so glad not to leave it. So why the struggle today? Sometimes surrounding myself with so much love and community accentuates the time by myself. And I know that worrying about Sydney isn't helping that. She's in good spirits post surgery to release her torn left biceps tendon, but there's a bit of swelling and well she just can't talk to me and that makes me a little nervous and a lot neurotic. And it makes me wish that there was someone right here to consult, to tell me that it looks fine, that I'm worrying too much, or to give me something else to focus on. Patience is apparently the requirement for me, but sometimes I don't want to be patient. I've learned an awful lot through this search this spring, but the one constant, before, during and after is the desire to find someone with whom I can share this life. In addition to my sweet Sydney.

So this journey since the first of the year has brought me right back to where I started - at least in terms of physical existence. I know I am not in the same place emotionally that I was in January. I am at once both more grounded and more buoyant and I'm hopeful again.