Muddled Brain

I attended the best training I have ever been to this weekend thanks to the Junior League of Colorado Springs.  I shouldn't be surprised since the Junior League was founded at the turn of the century (1901) as a training organization.  So who better to put on an excellent training. What did I learn?  Well, that's not so easy to articulate.  And I know that with time I will be able to extrapolate what I learned to my work and my life, but right now it is so focused on the League.  And I guess that's good since they sent me.  I feel a bit overwhelmed by the expectations I now have of myself - to give back to the League as a result of this amazing opportunity.   But I have others to help me stay focused and occasionally to hold me accountable.  They were there too, Laura and Courtney, and they both experienced the overwhelming and amazing wealth of information.  It is not possible to implement and apply every lesson learned so we must pick those that are tangible and that will make the most immediate impact.  And while I am so grateful for this opportunity, it doesn't make me any more inclined to take on a significant leadership role.  Instead, it helps me to be more solid in my belief that I am better at doing than governing or visioning.  I prefer to be in the trenches.  

But sometimes I struggle with the League - I feel a stronger connection and a greater sense of purpose than I have in many months.  I am excited by the opportunity to ceate a community event that others will come to.  And it feels good to know that I have "peeps" in this community.  That I am entrenched enough here that when I ask for support or help, there are those willing.  Like my friends at Colorado Running Company.  We could not pull off this Junior League run in 100 days (give or take) if it weren't for their ability to see the value in this partnership and then share their great knowledge!  And I am excited to work with a co-chair to create a meaningful placement advising process.  But most of the women in the league are totally dedicated to the league.  They will leave notable and big legacies.  But that's not who I am and that's okay.  I'm happy to contribute to the league's success and I'm acknowledging to myself that it's okay not to give the league everything I have.

Because there are other things that matter to me.  My running is important, but for the first time in a long time it's not the only thing nor is it the focal point of my life.  I realized that it wouldn't be the end of the world if I didn't get a Pikes Peak Marathon entry.  I'm glad I did.  It'll be a chance to spend my summer running the trails - on Pikes Peak, of course, but hopefully elsewhere too.  And it's the 50th anniversary of the first woman to run the PPM - and the first US woman to finish a marathon - a little known fact since others, including a great hero, Katherine Switzer are oft talked about as the pioneers in women's marathoning.  I look forward to celebrating this milestone upon the great mountain that is my daily inspiration and backdrop.  And while I want to do well, I really want to have fun - training and racing.  And whether this summer brings another backpacking trip, or just some hikes and even the possibility of another 14er, it will be outside and on the trails in this amazing place that I call home.  This is my community.

And then there is my work.  I've realized lately that many, many people don't have a job that they ever like.  Mine may be stressful and overwhelming at times, but it's meaningful and I care about the work I do, the people I work with and the impact I have in my profession.  But there again, I am surrounded by people who live and breath their work.  And for me it's just one facet of who I am.

I don't think I'm that unique in that I have multiple interests, even passions.  I think that once I thought I would always be seeking a passion but that may not be so true.  I think I've defined my life by doing what matters to me.  It shifts from day to day, month to month, even year to year, but these are the things that really matter to me.  

The people that surround me make everything that much richer.  Without those friends each experience wouldn't be as full.  I wouldn't be as challenged and I wouldn't laugh or cry or experience the range of emotions that exist in this life.  I know that I have much to be grateful for.  And yet there is more to want.  Not to need, but to want.  I do not want live out my life by myself.  I want to see the wonder of the places I love and places I haver never been through the eyes of another.  Universe, is it too much to ask to share this life with a partner?  Someone who is passionate and caring?  Who both values adventure and the simplicity of staying home?